March 14th, 2022  | Marcus Ruffin

Tired of seeing d.eath in my iris.
I see it open/closing my eyelids.
Tears well up but don't drip.
Words form on my tongue but don't leave my lips.
I stared at that sight for hrs.
The images burning into my mental pictures.
Untreated t.rauma I just seen another k.illing.
I watch c/o's shirk who's responsible of supervision.
Am I e.vil bc I realize its be the perp or be a v.ictim?
Who's ready to face that kind of truism?
I watched a man lose his life today!
A nightmare I keep reliving wide awake.
Not the first to experience this but it feels like it.
Observing reactions of people around me,
no one reacts like me, am I c.razy?
Jeers from the i.nmates, cheers from the p.igs.
Smiling, laughing, joking as they leave the the d.ead on scene,
for hrs where he is.
Me, I'm numb/cold/silent. Like I too am lifeless.
Brain racing/sharp, how many lives lost to imperialism?
Yet I sit f.alsely c.onvicted. I'm tired of the one fix all remedies.
Feeling no one understanding me, the normalcy a.ngers me.
But the valid reactions I have to exposed inhumanity is insanity!?
The r.evolution is love but rn I feel h.atred. Where/how am I to lead my people with no outlet/e.scape plan?
Daily I f.ight with my all my might to keep my light.
Everyday ever so slightly its diminishing,
as I s.truggle for my right to be f.ree.
Now I sit loxxed down with what feels like p.unishment.
That's on top of covid, I'm stitched lipped,
getting questioned like I did the shit.
Outta revolutionary love I flip it. Like are you OK?
You saw what happened but you ain't in a cage.
You going home, I'm left here smelling d.eath in the air,
my scenario exacerbates.
HA! My laugh is dark as twilight at the irony.
I'm just weary/heavy laden, expressing my wit.
I feel like an alien on a foreign planet.
Tired of seeing d.eath